I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
