I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
