I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
