I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
