porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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