Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
