Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
