i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
