my mouth tastes like poor choices
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
