thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
