As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
