She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he puts the penis in happiness.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
