are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
