Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
