id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
as a side note pls kill me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
