i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
