so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
