So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
