im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
