I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
