So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Houston, we have a squirter
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
