Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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