Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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