Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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