Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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