so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
