I puked a lego.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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