Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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