OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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