Screwed.edu
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
