So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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