neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
