You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
