um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
