Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
