Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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