You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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