Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
