yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
