it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
