i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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