now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
