I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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