awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
