using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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