I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
