He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
