Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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