apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
