take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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