i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
