i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
