drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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