I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
